| a note on life |

...but first an update:
friday: VC dinner at C&O Trattoria to officially close out our basketball season! i LOVE those girls. pictures are up on jusspress
weekend: home in SD! even tho i do the same thing at home every time i go down (wake up, eat, watch movie, eat, play with dogs, run, eat, watch a movie, rinse and repeat) its always nice...esp this time around. i changed it up a bit. i brought my guitar down and i started reading the new harry potter book (: i also had a good talk with my mom and stu... about life and love. which has got me thinking (see below), as if i dont do enough of that, haha
monday: i got my stitches out! yay! in their place are steri-strips which i hafta wear for a week until they fall off, but the doc gave me the okay to climb, lift, do whatevers! so yay! :D now onto the more important stuff...

to live or to live well. that is the question a choice.
i believe that lately, i have been settling with the former-- just living. my thoughts, my words, my actions...almost weightless. ive learned to just go with the flow, follow the easy road. accept what is convenient, avoid the effort, settle. void of feeling and compassion, i have become selfish, cynical and bitter at the world. that's me. little motivation, ambition down the drain. throw my inhibitions in the wind, lose my senses...just pure recklessness. maybe not in all aspects of life (for those of you who are thinking what is she talking about? i don't see it), but more so in the ways that matter most to the people who matter most to me. maybe thats why ive been so distracted lately. theres dissonance. who have i become? or rather, what have i become? something just isnt right with my life and it needs change. i need to dig in deeper. take that risk. rise up to that challenge. strive to be the best that i can be. figure out what is worth it...to me. think about my future instead of hiding from it and saying im not ready. put down my guard when i need to. allow myself to be vulnerable. learn how to love again and more importantly, how to be loved. to face life head on. i know what i want. i know what i need to do. i just need to go out and do it. i need to embrace life for all that it has to offer me. i need to backtrack...be that happier person i see in pictures. from the inside out. im better than this...

alas, i will stop here because actions speak louder than words.

things worth smiling about:
1. family
2. fruits
3. new music
4. epiphanies
5. pictures from the past...

i hope ya'll are enjoying your summer (: if you're in the la area, gimme a ring. lets do lunch! i need some human interaction, haha :D