| city of angels |

so someone remind me again...why do i live and work in LA?
honestly, sometimes i think the answer to that question is one concerning convenience, rather than desire. i graduated from UCLA and still live near campus, conveniently allowing me easy access to the gym and enabling me to play IM sports still. i conveniently got hired full time from the work study job i had as a student. all my friends are still around so i conveniently already have a social life...but really, im not a big fan of the city. sure, its a'hoppin--always alive. its diverse--a gateway to such a variety of scenes within a not so far driving distance i.e. from the bar/club scene to the beaches to the mountains. but most of the time, i feel so blah around here in la. theres crazy drivers, stressed out people, scary homeless people, stuck up rich folk, rude bus drivers, lots of traffic, bad air, gross water at the beaches, parking is horrendous and/or expensive, the cost of living is ridiculous sometimes. i swear LA makes me a bitter person...haha. sometimes i just feel like im a sardine stuck in a can, with every part of me squished in to fit. *sigh*

i was in san diego this past weekend visiting my good friend joshua and my parents. it was a relaxing weekend and a good reminder of why i love san diego so much. the atmosphere is super chill, the beaches are beautiful, the water is so much cleaner than icky venice, and the best part ladies and gentlemen, they rent houses for as much as my apartment costs! goodness! so josh just moved into a 4 bdrm house ($1695)and gets his own room for about 420. thats how much i pay (granted my room is humungo) but i live in a 2bd apt ($1700)!! i'm lucky we have a balcony. they get a sun room and a backyard! *exasperated* haha, how is that fair? and its not like the surrounding areas explain the difference. *shakes head* alas , i shall return to my city of birth when the time is right...but to tell you the truth, im bout ready to go back...

on another note, my mind has been boggled by many a questions... most of which probly dont have answers... how easily can you fall in and out of love? how do dreams become a reality in the course of one night? why is life so damn complicated? simple situations are so easily turned into complicated ones. why does there always have to be a loser in the end? why cant everyone win? if only life were kind and we all ended out on top...wouldnt that be the grand? why is it that sometimes you have to make decisions that have terrible immediate effects, but ensure a better outcome in the long run? why are human emotions able to be so strong yet be so fragile at the same time? which is better to listen to, your head or your heart? why does it hurt even though its not your heart that is breaking? why can't i just find enough money to buy myself an island?